Did al’Qaeda Blow Up A Brain Cell As Well?

Speculation surrounding a blast in a forest near the small village of Gartocharn, Loch Lomond has gone haywire.

Reports directly after the incident used more column space hushing up pointless conjecture than building on it.  Now some sort of self-imposed press ban has lifted and the frenzied guesswork of grappled experts has led to some pretty impressive theories.

Numero uno on the favourite’s list is the threat of an al’Qaeda style terrorist attack.  Correctly the security forces and Strathclyde police are not ruling anything out.  However, the mere mention of ‘terrorist’ has the public in a flap like no other word…except perhaps Christmas, but this is no place for word comparison. 

I do not profess to be any sort of expert on perceived attacks to the homeland but with the probability of this little blast originating from a training arm of an al’Qaeda cell seems a little more than farfetched.  Essentially what is being suggested is that there is a ‘strong likelihood’ that the forest explosion is linked to terrorism.  So one day a particular group of men with terrorist intentions decided they needed to brush up on their forest defence skills.  Tasked with finding a suitable location they sit around a frosty room studying the hell out of OS maps and happen upon, Gartocharn.  ‘Perfect,’ head hauncho terrorist man says, ‘OS 347, gather your long sticks and let’s head up to Scotland.’  So pleased upon their discovery of Gartocharn and it’s relative isolation they fail to notice the rather large nuclear base full of rather large nuclear warheads surrounded by rather large Royal Marines with significantly large muscles and rifles, in that order.

He may be tough but it also looks like he is raising money for prostate cancer.

If indeed I am wrong and I have not tapped into the terrorist psyche as successfully as I had hoped then this may well have been an orchestrated training exercise.  The location of which was therefore a blatant oversight or extreme exposure to liquid fertiliser addles the old common sense.

‘Boss we’re a matter of miles from you know what.’

‘Yes but I have bough OS 347 already and I’m not paying £13.99 for another map.’