Pressed Tomato Juice Tastes Like Crap

It is not so much that the tomato juice tastes like crap.  Or indeed that most people don’t like tomato juice (Bloody Mary Bandits aside).  It doesn’t even bother me that all the other juices sit in the fridge, proudly chilling while the lowly thickness of the TJ is left rubbing shoulders with the childish squash.  It is that it was perfectly sufficient.  It was sufficient when it was full of salt, it was delicious in its viscous state and more-ish even after concentration.  But that was not good enough.  Along came the bloody (not Mary) health freaks and anemic nutritionists who insisted on trying to better it.  So undernourished meanies, you have pasteurized the shit out of it and now I have to drink, cold, as it has been given the privilege of sitting in the fridge, healthy frigging pressed toms with practically no salt.  The worst thing is it tastes of tomatoes.  Nobody wanted that.  Nobody needed that.  So bravo, pressed tomato juice tastes like crap.  Now not a soul on this earth will buy the runnier, lighter, healthier juice.  Tomato juice will never earn it’s well deserved star – TJ.  The market will shrink into oblivion.  All that is left to do is mumble urgently into the ears of  the narcissistic, frivolous housewives – “Pick Me”.  With money induced boredom dripping from their lives, they are the only hope for Tomato Juice.  Nothing more challenging to do than pick which mixer to hide their morning vodka in they are the ideal saviours of the red stuff.  Without their support I will have to make do with something like cucumber and harrow bean mulch and I will be unhappy and possibly put a little bit of plastic in the cardboard recycling box. Pah.

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